Falling Off the Wagon

It’s not been long. I’ve only been on the wagon (that would be the writing and blogging wagon) for the last month. I can already feel I’m flagging. Now I could say it started last week when I failed to get a post up, but that would be denying the scale of the problem.

It probably began before that when I spent a day idling and feeling blue. I did not write the two posts I had planned and I also refused to get stuck into the novel.

The next day was the same.

The next was worse. I had peace and quiet and a house to myself and I still failed to do what I had ostensibly planned to do.

So why the breakdown between apparent aim and reality? What goes wrong? I want to do something, I know it will take effort, I know the payback will be long term not short term so why not just do it?

I don’t know the answers and I’ve spent too much time trying to find them (otherwise known as procrastination…). So let’s ignore the whys and wherefores and move on.

One thing I’ve become aware of is that waiting is a bad thing. We all know how hard it is to exist in a state of vague uncertainty, will something happen or not, when will I be told. Must check the mail again. Last week was spent in this state, waiting to hear and waiting for the end of the school holidays. And having wasted a week in anticipation, the answer was negative and the waste is felt all the more.

But the children are back at school (after a happy dance yesterday morning from both of them!) and I achieved more yesterday than I did in the weeks before.

I know that being kind to myself will allow me to move on far more quickly than recrimination.

So another day, another post, another clamber back onto the wagon…