Just as I was pondering how to give myself the kick in the ass I need to get blogging again, I stumbled across this idea of A Year With Myself. Well, sez I, there’s the kick I need. So the plan is to participate while also getting on with the other things I’m planning.
The way I see it the threshold is a little like the frost on the flowers, it can be deadly and paralysing but with a little patience it can melt away to nothing, leaving you wondering what the barrier was in the first place.
So here I am at the threshold.
Am I between the bars as Patti Digh says, most definitely. It is a fact of life for any expat that we are between many things. That aspects of ourselves are split and reflected and refracted by our dual (or more) hybridity. It can be unsettling and I’ve allowed it to take over in the last while. This has been a result of the passage of many anniversaries in the last few months, a decade in Turkey, of marriage, birthdays of growing children, changes in the lives of those I care about. It’s led me to passivity, thinking, thinking but not doing. Now is the time for action.
But first I need to be where I am, as Jen Louden says I should be. I need to acknowledge my many facets, rejoice in them and begin again. That also means acknowledging my imperfections and the many things I can’t control. It means saying no to fear and excuses and just doing it.
Somehow the gently learning approach that CA Kobu and the Year with Myself advocates seems to meet headlong with the brashness of terribleminds, but instead of a collision there is a melding. I need to be tough with myself this year, to be honest; I also need to be gentle and forgiving.
Here’s to 2012 being a productive year!